When friendship gets out of hand

Instinctively, we tend to say that sleeping with a friend is a bad idea. I, the first! However, the life and experience of those around me has recently made me wonder about this. Personally, I am very close to my friends. They’re still here when the men in my life have taken the powder. To my friends, I confide as I am their confidante, I advise them as they comfort me with kindness. A lot of times they understand and identify me much better than I can. For some, it’s scary…

With some of us, we’ve known each other for so long, there aren’t really have boundaries between us. I’m a relatively tactile person. I open my arms to console or soothe whenever necessary. I can cuddle, It’s for me only a mark of affection. I can also sleep well and honorably with boys without thinking once about fooling around with them. But I can understand that our attitudes and behaviours may have questioned the reality of our relationships, especially since the boundary between friendship and love for most of us is relatively vague and very personal.

I can already hear the killjoy saying that friendship between the two sexes is impossible. Yes, but only according to your own definition of the word “friend”. It depends if you’re talking about your best friend, a childhood friend, very good friends, buddies, an acquaintance…

Can my friend be a potential crush?

First, stop yourself a few moments to clearly define the relationship you have with this person. In general, we don’t ask ourselves these kinds of questions until the day when a behaviour, a situation or something else destabilizes the balance we had built with this “friend” and imposes a reflection on the future of this relationship. We then begin to see this “friend” as a potential crush with which we would like to go beyond a simple friendship.

If a relationship of seduction sets in between you, it is clear that you want to put your relationship in another dimension regardless of the word you used to describe it and that you would love to have fun with this person under a duvet (even if you don’t you want to admit this). As a reminder, two friends frooling around together, it’s called sex friends.

What circumstances favour this move to action?

Various factors can encourage this slip at any time: the desire for sex, the lack of tenderness, the lack of sex, alcohol, the atmosphere, a moment of weakness, or finally feelings that we had repressed in the depths of ourselves.

But, generally speaking, it is the lack that makes us lose our heads to the point of breaking all the borders, to the point of no longer seeing the friend in front of us. Take two friends who are hungry and physically attracted to each other. Add a good atmosphere, a nice music, sprinkle with a few glasses of alcohol and the white line can be crossed without any premeditation.

I’m forcing the line, of course. Some people will not cross the line in this type of situation and other people will not need to drink or have a festive atmosphere to do so.

Just sex or a real relationship?

Once, it doesn’t matter, especially if everyone has had a good time and it shouldn’t affect your relationship if both parties agree with the trifle and feel like it.

But what if you want to go further than a night or two and the feelings come and get involved in the game ? Because feelings can make friendship slippery.

If feelings come into play, it’s not the same issues. If it is not reciprocal, your friend will look at you with another eye and a certain distance will quickly settle into your relationship, which it may suffer.

Can you have a love affair with a friend? Yes, if desire and feelings are reciprocal.

The question to ask is whether to go ahead or not, especially if we are uncertain of the answer to that question and the risk I mentioned earlier. But if you feel that it can do it and your friend is on the same page as you, then why not.

A Love Story, to function in the long term needs Love, Attraction, Respect, Communication and Honesty, the same fundamental values as friendship. After all, a friend is someone you love but don’t sleep with.

So, sex with a friend: good idea or bad idea?

To summarize my remarks, the most dangerous thing is to take a chance, to cross the line when the other person does not expect it and risks taking it the wrong way. You can lose a friend there, so you have to be careful of the signs that the other one can send you and especially to interpret them well.

Sleeping with a friend doesn’t seem to me to be problematic on paper as long as you’re acting with respect and being very clear about what you’re looking for. And in principle, friends should get by on this notion of transparency, since they are able to talk about everything.

On the other hand, if there are feelings involved, we have to be much more careful.

It’s all about feeling. If you are on the same wavelength and there is reciprocity of sex envy or the desire to love then go for it!

xoxo

La Puce

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